The Warp Factor Metaphor

The Knight of Pentacles and how I decided to join I Ho Chuan.

I like to think of being an adult as being similar to one of those circus performers who spins plates.  You start off with a couple of plates, but you get pretty good at keeping them spinning, so you add more.  As you get older, the number of plates you can keep spinning at once is pretty decent.  The number of plates or the quality of spinning might fluctuate a little, but your progress usually goes up.

This past spring, I went through a personal crisis.  Without a lot of warning, and for no reason I've still been able to come up with, my ability to spin plates went wildly downhill.  

I questioned everything about myself and my life.  I became anxious, depressed and suffered panic attacks.  My brain seemed to be stuck in molasses.  I pulled out of all social and extracurricular obligations, and concentrated on keeping the essential plates spinning: sleep, family, job. I got help, and slowly I got better.  Once I could keep the main plates spinning satisfactorily, I slowly added in more plates.  

By about June, I was feeling a better about most things, but also had this niggling fear: I don't know why all my plates crashed down.  Could it happen again?  What if it happens just at the point when people are relying on me the most?  

I was emotional and terrified and unsure.

A friend had invited me to join a group she ran, a sort of women's support circle.  Our first meeting was AMAZING, a very cathartic experience, and at the end one of the ladies passed around her tarot deck and we all pulled a card.  

This was my card's write up:

That really spoke to me.  My life goals hadn't changed, there was no reason to change them now!  And there was no reason to let fear stand in the way of achieving them.  

And so, I let the Knight of Pentacles become my guiding philosophy.  He represents common sense, responsibility, practicality, working hard for what you want and finishing what you start.  He signifies achieving your wishes or dreams through perseverance and determination.

I'm not going to say that I saw that card and immediately turned my life around and started doing all the right and responsible things.  But it was the start.  Each day I've been working on changing one bad habit towards a good one.

As of November, I'm doing pretty good, and all areas of my life have improved because of the hard work I've put in.  

-I quit smoking and drinking

-I joined a group of likeminded nerds and we are quickly forming a strong and loyal family

-I removed myself from groups that I felt were not being a positive influence on my life and my goals

-I'm focusing on decluttering my home

-I'm trying to be more patient and tender with my family

-I'm diving headfirst back into Kung Fu and really focusing on it as a force for good in my life.

When I first heard about the elite I Ho Chuan program, I was very intimidated.  But the idea stuck in my brain and each time I talked with someone about it or read the requirements, the intimidation factor shrunk.

I know it won't be easy, but I have always wanted to be the kind of person who had mastery over their life.  I think I'm finally ready to start.