Don't be scared, just keep being.

 I've had a week.  I'm trying to finish up this night shift job in Fort Saskatchewan, but it's tricky to schedule it because I need to make sure my other (day shift) site is covered.  So, I had sub-trades booked Wednesday, Thursday and Friday night, after day shifts Monday and Tuesday.  It's exhausting moving from day shift to night shit, especially short term.

On top of this, my wrist is still quite painful.  But only when I twist it.  There are certain movements that really hurt, but it's fine the rest of the time.  I went to a walk-in clinic on Wednesday and got requisitions to have it x-rayed and ultra-sounded, because I'm worried that it's not just a sprain.  Still waiting to hear back on the results.

Anyway, Monday I worked late so I didn't get to class.  But did manage to make it to Dragon Dance practice.  It was a good practice and I'm finally feeling confident that we'll be able to do a great showing for the dragon dance.  

Wednesday I made it to class, but I was feeling very apprehensive about my wrist.  When they announced that they were doing more sparring drills I automatically started to exclude myself, but then something interesting happened.  Todai Ward encouraged me to take part in the drills, but with her (and so not discluding someone from taking part fully in the class), and to do so while being gentle with my left arm.  Eventually, I was able to figure out some sparring drills that I obviously needed to work on, and made some great headway.  I felt that I made some great advancements! It showed me that even though I'm not able to do everything, I shouldn't be afraid to try to do anything.  There are ways of participating that benefit all levels, and I my apprehension was simply stalling me.

Thursday night, I was simply exhausted.  I had finally managed to get 5 hours of sleep total during the day and I was not feeling optimistic about what I needed to achieve that night. 

"It's the 3rd Thursday of the month, it's not a mandatory class, chill out for another hour" I told myself, looking at my calendar.

"You are awake and good enough to go. Just f*&^ing do it, Kat." I countered.

I went to class.

And I was so glad I did.

The comraderie I felt was so needed.  Just the little snippets of interaction filled my soul more than you guys can realize.

The work I did on my hand form (after the tips from Wednesday, Thanks Sihing Burke!), and on my demo portion of my weapon form, felt very progressive.  I feel like I'm ready to present something slightly badass to the public on Canada Day.  It's weird, but being able to watch myself in those mirrors feels more scrutinizing than it does doing it 10x more in my back yard at home.

I came home from that IHC class sweatier and more satisfied than I was expecting, but 100x happier.  

I appreciate you guys so much more than I can say.  

Thank you.