Knight of Pentacles

I have to confess, I've felt a bit...un-enthusiastic about everything lately.  Not that anything is bad, but I've felt drained of joy.  This family vacation was much needed, and it was a great time. But I've had troubling thoughts.  Thoughts about what I'm doing and why I'm doing them.  About what I'm devoting my time to.  I've even had thoughts about quitting the I Ho Chuan.  Not this year, but perhaps not signing up for next year. Taking a break.  Not for good, but, I told myself, maybe until Frankie is a bit older and needs less care and attention.   Being a parent is hard, and requires a lot of physical and mental effort.  I told myself that maybe if I could pare down my responsibilities outside of that it could be easier. But, I realized 2 things: 1. It would not be easier.  The things that already take up my time would be no less frustrating.  Being a parent and having a full time job is a slog no matter how you book-end ...

 So, I'm on vacation with my family and my in-laws in Drumheller right now.  And I'm appreciating having extra time.  Normally my days are hectic from the moment I wake up at the ass-crack of dawn, to the moment my head hits the pillow at hopefully-8:30pm.  It seems like my family is always rushing to something: work, swimming lessons, birthday parties, grocery shopping, Kung Fu class, and it's nice to slow down for a bit and say "What do we ACTUALLY want to do today?" I even brought my butterfly swords and have been working on my SUPUs and forms. It's just really nice.   Song of the day: Walk the Dinosaur by Was (Not Was) https://open.spotify.com/track/5ZG3fDXiAzC1tfXbk2TR3R?si=4454530eefa14403

 I follow this person on Instagram who has fantastic "word of the day" series and the one from last Wednesday was particularly striking for me: JUSTING (juhs-ting) 𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗻: The habit of telling yourself that just one change could solve all of your problems, which leaves you feeling perpetually on the cusp of a better life, hanging around the top of the slide waiting for one little push. "Resist the stagnant trap of Justing where dreams linger in the "if only".  And instead let each small step you take towards your goal be the catalyst and momentum for the change you wish to see. A reminder that t rue transformation is born from YOUR courage and determination, not waiting for the perfect moment." I have been very guilty of Justing, and find it a hard habit to break.  But lately I've been trying to focus not on SINGLE things that will fix all my problems, but taking small steps towards my goals and celebrating them as progress. I think that's one of...